5/24/15 (Autumn)

Another beautiful update from Cinnamon, Autumn’s mom: 

“Yesterday, Autumn went in for surgery to have a PEG tube placed for feeding and medication administration.  The rehab facility she will be going to (Craig Rehab Hospital) wanted it in before they would accept her.  She’s just not able to eat normally yet.

Her sodium levels had still been fluctuating, so she’s finally on a scheduled medication to help regulate that.  It may be a bit of a long term option for her.  She also still had a clot that was in a potentially dangerous location.  If it entered her axillary vein it would be headed for her lungs, so we would need to start an anticoagulant protocol…which would run the risk of a brain bleed with her trauma.  No good options.  However, the Lord has been merciful and for now the clot has not entered that vein and may be decreasing in size!  Her vision is still in question.  The neurologist has seemed concerned, and she herself has expressed frustration and fear over that.
We saw so much fatigue in the last few days and there was some concern, so they did a CT scan, which was pretty much unchanged, if not improving.  Her brain was just so tired!

Before she went in to surgery yesterday, we finished reading John.  It was such an emotional moment for me.  I could not wrap my mind and heart around Christs death on the cross for us.  As I was thinking over what we read, the Lord gave me a few insights regarding our journey. . .

1.  In the garden, Mary Magdalene was looking for Christs body after His resurrection.  When she encounters Him, she didn’t know it was Him, and thought He was the gardener. “Woman,” Jesus said to her, “why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for? ” Supposing He was the gardener, she replied, “Sir, if you’ve removed Him, tell me where you’ve put Him, and I will take Him away.” Jesus said, “Mary.” Turning around, she said to Him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni!” — which means “Teacher.” (John 20:15, 16 HCSB)  In another version, He asks her whom she is seeking.  I saw that when we SEEK Him, He will always reveal Himself to us.  We have been seeking Him these last two weeks like never before, and He has been revealing Himself to us.
We have no guarantees for the future.  The rehab facility is one of the best in the world, but they even told us that they cannot guarantee that she will reach the level of independence that she had previously… there are so many unknowns.  Which leads me to my second thought. . .

2. When the disciples were meeting and discussing the resurrection, Thomas made it clear that unless he saw and felt the wounds from the nails in Christ’s Hands, he wouldn’t believe.  We always like to think we would not be like Thomas… the evidence would be too obvious, we would believe what the other disciples told us and what Mary told us, etc.  However, we are faced with that crisis even in this moment.  I want to share this with all of you reading this blog.

Firstly, we can NEVER thank you enough for your prayers, cards, letters, gifts, words of encouragement, visits, meals, childcare, the list goes on!  You have blessed us beyond measure!  I just feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t post this specific thought.  This situation is hard, and it just stinks (for lack of a stronger word).  We don’t know why it had to happen, we question, we wrestle.  Just because we are Christians doesn’t mean that we don’t struggle through normal human emotions!  Scott, myself, Randy, and Brenna have no guarantees for the future of our two precious children, but I think I can say that the four of us are choosing to believe in the hand of the Lord and His sovereignty over every aspect of our lives.  We are choosing to believe without seeing…believe first without seeing the final outcome.

This is the exchange between Christ and Thomas in the upper room, so many years ago:

“So the other disciples kept telling him, “We have seen the Lord! ” But he said to them, “If I don’t see the mark of the nails in His hands, put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will never believe! ” After eight days His disciples were indoors again, and Thomas was with them. Even though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them. He said, “Peace to you! ” Then He said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and observe My hands. Reach out your hand and put it into My side. Don’t be an unbeliever, but a believer.” Thomas responded to Him, “My Lord and my God! ” Jesus said, “Because you have seen Me, you have believed. Those who believe without seeing are blessed.” (John 20:15, 16, 25-29 HCSB)

If you are reading this, and are waiting to see the final outcome of our two precious children before believing, I would encourage you not to do that.  Take that first step now!  We are blessed when we believe without seeing.  Christ doesn’t condemn Thomas because he waited to see first, and often the Lord shows us things so we will believe, but there is blessing in laying that belief in the scarred hands of Christ, even when the future is muddled.

We didn’t see this coming, but if my belief is determined by my circumstances, then I am what the book of James says:
“…But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:6 HCSB)

If that is an example of my faith, then it will ebb and flow like the tide.  It will be dependent upon outside factors; it will change frequently.  It will be unstable and unable to be a foundation for my life.  No one chooses to build anything on an unstable foundation…why would I choose to build my life on one?  How can I weather the storms?  I am praying that as you read these words, you will allow the words from Gods Word to seep into your soul and transform your very life.

I choose to believe in the sovereign hand of the Lord.  I choose to believe that everything in Autumn and Elijah’s lives was rushing to meet at this appointed time.  I choose to believe that the Lord was there with them.  I choose to believe that the Lord brought them through and He will use the two of them for His glory.  I choose to believe!

–Cinnamon