6/16/15 (Autumn) 

New update on Autumn from Cinnamon: 
“I’m sitting in my kitchen right now.  I’ve checked on the beehives, laundry is going, rhubarb is chopped and ready for pie, and a little boy is sitting on the counter eating peanut butter from a spoon…life almost feels “normal”.  But, what’s normal anymore?  I have so many emotions right now.  I guess I can identify when Brenna says that they seem to grieve more at home.  At the hospital I feel on call as a parent, advocate, caregiver, etc. but when I walk through the doors of home, the waves of grief and pain seem to crash over me.  At home I ask myself the questions that I avoid at the hospital. . .how independent will Autumn be?  Will she be able to go to school?  Will she be able to care for a family?
On a more personal note, I wonder how much more I can weather.  I know that the future holds a liver transplant for my husband, and we manage the unknowns of that disease on a daily basis.  One night last week he had a very painful episode in the middle of the night.  Episodes like that usually precipitate a trip to the hospital for him. Thankfully, it resolved and we didn’t need to go to the hospital, but I’m fully bracing myself for the very real possibility that I could be shuttling between two hospitals and stepping back into the advocate/caregiver role for Scott.  
I’m so very tired; weary of living a hybrid of hospital-home life.  When I was visiting with Randy and Elijah, I told them that I just wanted to be two years down the road from here. However, I don’t want to lose these moments of reliance on the Lord…of running to him every minute of the day…of watching him work in our kids’ lives, our own lives, and the lives of people I don’t even know!  I know I’ve completely come to the place of disbelieving the adage, “God won’t give you more than you can handle”.  If I can “handle” it, why do I need God?  Watching Scott struggle through cancer, managing liver disease and waiting for a liver transplant, seeing my daughter fight for her life in ICU, I don’t know if I could have handled those things on my own.  I wonder if the Lord does give us more than we can handle, at times, because then we have to rely on him.
In the midst of my “normal” activities, the song Draw Me Nearer by Merideth Andrews came on my praise and worship station.  It gave a voice to the longings in my heart that I had yet to realize.
“In your nearness there is healing

What was broken now made whole

Restoration in its fullness

Lasting hope for all who come
In your nearness I take shelter

Where you are is where I’m home

I have need of only one thing

To be here before your throne.”
It reminded me of Psalm 27…in particular verses 4-5, which state,

I have asked one thing from the Lord; it is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the Lord and seeking Him in His temple.  For He will conceal me in His shelter in the day of adversity; He will hide me under the cover of His tent; He will set me high on a rock.”
The difficulty, pain, grieving of this trial is then eclipsed by the desire to remain in the presence of the Lord. 
I am grateful for how much Autumn is progressing!  She is emerging from the Post Traumatic Amnesia and we are now seeing some of her short term memory return.  This is wonderful as it will allow her to really progress in therapy.  The therapists are really working on decision making skills.  This is an area of thought that the frontal lobe controls, and with her frontal lobe injury, she needs to make those connections to enable her to become independent.  When we were with her this weekend Hunter asked Scott what city we were in.  Scott told him it was Englewood.  Autumn pipes up and says,

“You could’ve asked me!  They ask me every day what city I’m in and I tell them Englewood!”  We all laughed pretty hard.  She doesn’t understand that a week ago she couldn’t remember that!
Her vision in her left eye is still in question.  The latest from the eye doc is that she is healing well from the surgery, but the optic nerve appears pale in color, so there may be damage to that.  There’s nothing more to be done for that eye from his end, so we will wait and pray expectantly to see how much healing might occur.  Like all of her other injuries, it will just take time!  She still has a ptosis of her right eyelid, so it droops and is difficult to lift.  I can tell it is getting better, but slowly, in small increments.  
We met with her care team last week and her neuropsychologist made an interesting assessment.  He thinks that some of her progress is due to her years of training in speech and debate.  He wants to take some of the drills, etc. that she used in debate to process information and apply them to her therapy.
Her therapy schedule gets increasingly heavier each week.  It’s amazing how much they can pack into a day with her!  We are trying to settle into this new routine and make the most of our days with her at Craig.  It’s surreal to look at the facility and know that this place will be a part of our lives for the rest of our lives!  We are so grateful for this place and the work that they are doing!  Thank you all for you continued prayers!
Hunter, Aspen, and Summit wanted to join the ranks of shaved heads, so here’s the latest family picture!”

  

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26 thoughts on “6/16/15 (Autumn) 

  1. I prayed for Autumn and Elijah at the accident and have prayed for them…and your family/friends daily since then, and will continue to do so. Please remember that you are allowed to fall apart. Your whole life is hurting!! When we fall apart is when God can do his most amazing work!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sitting here in Lincoln, NE praying for you after reading your most recent post. I want to recite verses to you, I want to give advice on how to get through this trial. I want to come hug you and pray with you. I want to DO something!!! Then God quiets my heart and reminds me to give these trials to HIM. I give you and Elijah’s family and everyone involved to the Lord. Wisdom for the doctors and caregivers, and patience for those of you who wait.
    Standing with you and praying,
    Elaine Carver (Rebecca’s mom)

    On the lighter side – I love your matching hair cuts! Just think of all the shampoo you are saving and not so much hair to clean out of the shower!!!!! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You guys are amazing – praying for all of you all of the time and for God’s supernatural healing for your family – ( love the matching haircuts!)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am remembering you in prayer. The load is heavy. I’m sure unbearable. I pray for strength, continuing Hope in the Savior, and growth and healing for the family. Thanks for being real.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh our great Lord, be ever near your people as they travel a hard road. You are near. We lift these to you and ask for your new mercies to flood them and healing to surround Scott. Thankyou, Lord for putting your LIFE into your servants. Pour out your great heart of compassion and love to saturate weariness with hope, in Jesus’ name.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve yet to meet your sweet family but my heart aches for you as you travel this road. Please know you are in our prayers from Bradenton, Florida.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you Cinnamon for the courage and candor to share your longings to see the future and your fears of not being able to handle it all. God is helping you to handle what seems insurmountable by giving you bees, rhubarb pie, laundry, peanut butter on a spoon and your sense of humor. I wish I could hug you and cry with you right now. Remember the poem about the footprints in the sand as we walk along with Jesus. I think now is the time when Jesus is going to carry you and there will be only one set of prints left behind. Oh, that you can feel His strong embrace as he holds you as His child, His daughter, His precious one.

    Brenna mentioned part of Psalm 121 recently. I will leave you with all of it for your encouragement. It was the Our Daily Bread scripture from yesterday.

    “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come?
    My help comes from the Lord, who made the heaven and the earth.
    He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.
    Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber not sleep.
    The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
    The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night.
    The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.
    The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Two years ago, I was nearing the end of an intense eight month chemo/pneumonia/radiation storm with my 19 year old daughter, as well as nearly losing my 15 year old to an undetected cardiac condition. I agree with you: God most definitely DOES give us more than we can handle! His strength was made perfect in my weakness! Though her treatments are complete and her exams are further apart, and he is doing well though he will need a valve replaced in the distant future, the reality of other potentials are still lingering. It is very difficult to watch your child suffer. We just want to make it better. We just want to snap our fingers and everything be back to our version of normal. We have learned so many faith-lessons that we never would have learned otherwise. We are thankful for each day God has given us! And we may never know how many people were touched nor how many seeds have been planted for the Kingdom because of our testimony through that storm. HOLD ON. Lean hard on Him, just as you have been doing. HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH! We will probably never meet until that Great Reunion, but be encouraged that you haven’t been forgotten. The Spirit is reminding His all over the country to lift you up in prayer! (Elijah was at TeenPact Survival SE with my kids.) Trusting HIM, Peaches

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cinnamon, You and Scott are amazing people and we realized that from the moment we met you all. All my life, people have told me how strong I am when dealing with family problem etc, but you my dear are such a strong person but don’t know it. One day after all this is over, you will look back at it and remember what you all went through to get where you will be at that moment. When my husband died in 1980, I was so angry, that all I wanted was the day to be over and I could go on as usual, but there never was a usual again, it went to another world where the good Lord thought I should be and it took everything that I had to come to where I am today. That was 35 years ago and I still have moments of remembering, but I push through it and come to the place I am right now. I know you and Scott will have the moment soon and with GOD’s help Scott will get his transplant soon as I am praying for you all every morning when I get your blogs. I love the picture. Luann

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Cinnamon,
    May God continue to walk with you as you face each day of this challenging experience! Your faith is such an encouragement to me and so many others. Thank you for your transparency. I can only imagine the myriad of feelings you experience. Sending love & hugs as I continue to pray for you, Autumn & your family!

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  11. My kids are friends with Elijah through TeenPact, and I have prayed for Autumn and your family since the accident happened. I have appreciated your honest wrestling throughout this situation. Given what you wrote above, I wanted to share one of my favorite sections of Scripture: 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul shares about the hardships suffered in the province of Asia. He writes, “We were under great pressure, FAR BEYOND OUR ABILITY TO ENDURE, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.” He then goes on to share the good news, “But this happened THAT WE MIGHT NOT RELY ON OURSELVES BUT ON GOD, WHO RAISES THE DEAD.” I am convinced that life is far beyond our ability to endure. I pray that you are encouraged by the many that are praying on your behalf–but even more so, may you continue to grow in your reliance on Him, resting in His strength and comfort for the moment, remembering that He is powerful enough to raise the dead and that regardless of what happens, that He is enough.

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  12. I appreciate knowing your full circumstances because it helps me understand just how brave and strong you are. But of course, that comes with the reliance on the Lord. He does give us more than we can handle, because He surely wants us to rely on his power and strength to see us through. You can do this! You can do this with Him right there beside you. The whole way. Hugs to you as you pass through this very very difficult time. You are not alone. 🙂

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  13. You don’t know me, I know you on,y because I have been on this journey with you since you started posting. A friend of mine posts your site to Facebook and I have been following ever since. All I can say is you are in my prayers, often! I can’t begin to imagine the turmoil this has been for all of you! But the Lord is with you every moment, and for that we can be thankful. I’m sitting in the hospital room of my Mom, she’s 92 and may soon go to be with the Jesus she has loved and served since childhood. I so want for your daughter to be able to live a full complete life to that age! And with God that is fully possible. I’m sure you’ve heard the song “Over comer” by Mandisa, if not, tune into it on You Tube. That has been my theme song since diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer with met to my bones, 4 years ago. I was given “no hope” but the Lord has different plans. Just know that there are a lot of people just like me that, as part of the family of God, are praying for all of you! Keep the faith!

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    • Mary,

      What an amazing story! Truly, our God is mighty to save and heal. Thanks for testifying to this. :). praying His extra-evident grace on you and your special mom today. . .

      || Haley

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  14. I read a saying the other day “God does not give us what we can handle, he helps us with what we were given!” Thought it was a nice saying 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  15. My family is friends with the Lowry family. We are praying for you daily. Cinnamon, you and Brenna are my heroes! Super Hero moms! Following hard after our Redeemer and Savior.

    4 I sought the LORD, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
    5 Those who look to Him are radiant with joy; their faces will never be ashamed.
    6 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him from all his troubles.
    7 The Angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them.
    8 Taste and see that the LORD is good. How happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!
    Psalm 34:4-8 (HCSB)

    In Him who Lives,
    Melissa Brumbaugh

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  16. Cinnamon,
    Your struggles bring back so many memories for me. My daughter was 18 months when my Mom had her Kidney Transplant, and she was 6 months post transplant when my daughter was diagnosed with Autism, and a laundry list of other things. You will find your way and there are days when you will be “bratty” with God as many of my friends and I say. You know the days when you are exhausted and there are a stack of bills in front of you, and 5 more therapy sessions to get through that day, plus the house is a mess, and you need to cook dinner- and so you start to ask God why? Why me? Why my child? Why my family? About that time I usually ask him to stop having so much faith in me, because I can’t handle what he’s giving me, but at the end of the day we have to trust that he has a master plan for us and that it will all work out the way it’s suppose to be.

    It will be 13 years in a few days since we got the call we had prayed for- they had a kidney from a 65 year old man killed in a car crash near Philly. Even after 5 years on the waitlist, it wasn’t anything like we expected it would be, you can’t really prepare for it.

    This winter will mark the 13 year anniversary of the day a doctor told us our daughter would never have the life we expected and our “normal” life ceased to exist. So I feel pretty confident when I promise you, you will find your new “normal” and parts of it are going to be very different than you ever expected, but that’s OK. My life has never been the same since either of those days, but the changes that those days brought about in my life, have given me even more purpose in life. As for the future, it will find you, don’t worry about it yet. Worry about getting through Rehab and maximizing her potential there. Then tackle the next chapter of her life, because truly her performance in each chapter of her “new” life will lay the groundwork for the next chapter.

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  17. My heart aches for you, friend. We all wish we could find the right word, the right action, to make it all better. I have never felt as helpless as I have reading your updates and seeing the story unfold of our two precious teens painful, shuffling steps toward recovery. Your strength is a testimony to all of us, and we keep you in constant prayer. But you are allowed to fall apart. You should fall apart. It’s way too much to handle…. with human strength. I know that right now, God’s strength seems too far away, and too difficult to find. Praying that you will find yourself cuddled on the lap of our heavenly father. When the puzzle seems too broken to ever make sense, He is seeing dimensions that we can’t imagine, and he can, and will, put it all together beautifully in His time, which seems to be WAY too far away. Praying, praying, and praying some more. We love you, Cinnamon. Yes, we all love Autumn and Elijah, and we wish we could make it all better. But we love you, too, cinnamon – you don’t have to be strong. Just be you, and fall apart when you need to, knowing that God will catch you, and your friends are all here too, praying, hoping, helplessly waiting for Him to fix it, and wondering what that’s going to look like, but knowing that from God’s perspective, it will all be good.

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  18. I am praying for your family and know that God is with you all the time in all that happens. May you find peace and rest and healing in His presence.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. All the Praise and glory to God our Father!! May He continue to be with you every day and shower you with blessings of healing, strength, courage and love.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Beautiful family photo. Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me realize how much my family really needs God during hard times and good times. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

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